I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
