so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
