I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
