I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
