Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
