Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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