NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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