I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
