My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
