I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
