its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
