ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
