So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
