Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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