My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
