she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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