Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
