I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
