so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
