We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
