Life is so much better after having sex.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The Olympian is in my bed
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
