once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
