Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
