what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
