pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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