i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
