i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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