She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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