Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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