He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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