ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
