Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
