i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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