If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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