No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
