you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
