dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
