i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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