Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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