Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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