I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
