There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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