i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
