I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
