You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
