you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
