They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
