Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
