it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
