if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
