oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
