I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
