12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
